Wenis & Soapnuts

Here I thought my 20 year old son was just trying to be polite by using the word wenis instead of penis when asked for a body part while we were completing his customized birthday Mad Lib last night but I was wrong. Wenis is a body part and both males and females have them. A wenis is loose elbow skin. There's even a website devoted to the wenis. Folks around the world can submit photos of their wenises, share wenis stories, and even buy Weniswear and accessories at WenisWorks.com Who knew?!

 
After doing a little research I discovered King Wenis - also spelled Unas, Oenas, Unis or Ounas. King Wenis was a Pharaoh of Ancient Egypt, he was married to two Queens, didn't have any sons, and was the last ruler of the Fifth Dynasty. Although nothing has been written about his wenis I can bet he had one or two along with his queens.

So I learned about wenis today but the fun discoveries didn't end there. I also learned about soapnuts! That's right, soapnuts. I'm actually going to be getting my very first soapnut samples in 2 to 4 weeks! I can hardly wait.

sapindusmukorossi.com

Soapnuts come from the Chinese Soapberry Tree scientifically known as Sapindus Mukorossi. These crazy little nuts create suds and have been used for centuries as a natural cleaning agent. They can be used to wash the laundry, the dishes, produce, and even turned into shampoo and body soap. Gosh! Now I can give my wenis a good lather when my soapnuts arrive! Oh how nice it is to have something to look forward to, it makes my wenis happy.

Broken Heart

I had a slight mishap this evening...I have a broken heart. It was ugly I tell you. It all began when I had a brilliant idea and ended with me thinking, "If only I had listened to my inner baker". Then I had no choice but to take a knife to it and tell it it was a being an ass. 

Here's what I made tonight.

Baking is my thing. I love baking. I also like experimenting and that's the ingredient in tonight's baking adventure that went wrong. I attempted to make a heart shaped brownie in my copper heart mold. I've made cakes in my copper molds before so I thought this would be a cinch! NOT!

I definately learned something. When the inner baker whispers, " There's way too much batter in that mold idiot", you should listen to it. I didn't and when I pulled my heart out of the oven after baking it 15 minutes longer than suggested, I flipped it over on the cooling rack and the damn thing took a shit! It wasn't cooked all the way so its gooey brown innards oozed out all over the table. I scooped what I could back in the pan, popped it back in the oven and baked it longer. When I went to flip over onto the rack again my heart broke. 

So there you have it. That's my special Valentine treat for the family. Too bad it didn't work out. I was going to put a message on it like a candy heart. It was going to say EAT ME. Now it just says I'VE BEEN VIOLATED without using any type. 

Oh well. At least I learned something. I know what NOT to do next time. And on the upside, we'll enjoy picking at this heap of crap plus this whole baking adventure inspired me to dick around with a photo of my copper heart mold.

 

Darwin's Birthday And Frankie's Soon To Be Upright Man Part

To celebrate Charles Darwin's birthday today I took some time to read a little bit about him. Out of anything I read today this quote struck me the most besides learning that he and his wife of 43 years were cousins..."A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life." I find this to be a powerful quote but I have to admit, I did waste some time today, that's how I found this little gem.  

Gee Frankie, what the hell is going on above your man part? Guess with Annette "bare-ing" you're just getting a little bit daring there. Looks like there's more than just the surf raring to go-go-go.

My Bikini Beach movie poster wasn't the only thing I stumbled upon. You know, with every great movie poster there's a great movie trailer too. Enjoy! 

 

Dandelions And Pineapple

http://vintageprintable.com/wordpress/page/25/?wpmp_switcher=desktop

On the way into work today I had the radio on and heard an interesting bit of trivia about my favorite flower, the dandelion. Sure, some people call them weeds and lawn care companies love making these happy little flowers villains but why? They're pretty. Plus they ward off cooties when the flower is rubbed on your skin and leaves a yellow spot. Best cootie vaccine I've ever used! 


The bit of trivia I learned about the dandelion is it has a Valentine's Day connection. Apparently, after you meet your Valentine you pick a dandelion that has gone to seed, take a deep breath and blow the seeds into the wind. You count the seeds that remain on the stem and that's the number of children you will have with your love. Now that I've learned this it makes me love the dandelion even more. 

Another thing I learned today is how to make a pineapple plant from a fresh pineapple. This seems really simple and could be a fun thing to try. For me it would be a fun challenge as I've been known to be a serial plant killer but the up side to growing a pineapple plant is after it's in dirt it only needs watered once a week. Now that's something I might be able to handle.


I could probably write about more things I learned today but I'm pooped. It's been a long week and my eyes have popped out of my head and are rolling on the floor now. I think they're trying to roll to bed so I better follow them. Another full day awaits. Time for ZZZzzzzzzzz

It's All A Blur

The most important thing I learned today is don't put your Walgreen's reading glasses in the breast pocket of your coat if you plan to fling the coat over a dining room chair. The glasses fall out. If you don't know your Walgreen's reading glasses fell out and put your coat on to go home you will discover you have lost them when you prepare to write a blog entry.

It's all a blur so that's it for tonight.

21 Things I've learned

Day two at my brand spanking new job was an excellent adventure. I learned lots today. I learned so much my brain is smoking and my eyes are beginning to fall out of my skull. I FEEL ALIVE! I'm also feeling a wee bit tired. I know, I'm tired at 11:30 at night. That's not my style at all but my brain hurts and I think it's telling me to get my ass to bed.

Rather than trying to type tonight's post in full sentences and paragraphs I'm presenting what I learned today in list form. My melting, dyslexic brain can't handle too many more sentences tonight. So here we go. My list of cool things I learned today.

What I Learned Today  

1. My children do have it in them to be lovely creatures in the morning 
2. The ice scraper sucks  (not so cool)
   
3. My trip into work took way less time than I had anticipated 
4. How to operate a new computer program (I'm still learning this one) 
5. How to queue orders 
6. I can make a mistake and it's all cool 
7. My Ford Crapstar is even shittier than I thought it was yesterday (definately not so cool)
8. The alarm on a really shitty Crapstar can go off for no reason, five times in 2.5 hours (and another not so cool thing)
9. I can talk and work at the same time 
10. Natural peanut butter on Fritos tastes really, really good 
11. Getting to know another co-worker was really easy 
12. Meeting really nice people makes me happy 
13. My son is a thoughtful young man 
14. Gas prices aren't lower on Wednesdays 
15. I need glasses NOW (not cool)
16. A vat of homemade potato soup can be made in less than an hour 
17. My daughter can do anything she puts her mind to 
18. Thomas Jefferson was 33 when he drafted the Declaration of Independence 
19. Working hard and exercising the brain makes you feel alive 
20. Feeling alive again restores hope 
21. I can finally see some good shit happening

     

Did You Say Poop And Drop?

It was my first day of my new, absolutely perfect, part time job. I wasn't nervous about being the new kid or feared being a slow learner but I was a bit anxious about conducting myself properly. It's been a loooong time since I had a job in an office setting or a workshop. 

On my drive into work this morning I practiced some deep breathing techniques, turned off the radio, and chanted a mantra I haven't used in a while..."I open my heart and I open my mind to recieve the presence of (fill in blank)." I fill my blank with God but "Higher Power", "David", "Buddha", "Allah", or even "Love" can fill the blank. I just happen to call my higher power by the name of God. Anyway, I chanted my mantra several times which helped me enter my new job with confidence and joy. It was tits! 

The first thing I learned today was where the communal snack bar is, and that's important in my opinion. I then learned the lay of the land with tours of the t-shirt printing shop and offices, met my new co-workers, memorized the manufacture's names of t-shirt colors, and learned some of the shop lingo such as hoop and drop. That's shop talk for preparing a shirt for the printer.

My hoop and drop lesson started after my bathroom break and a plugged ear due to a head cold and my decongestant wearing off. After leaving the bathroom my lovely trainer said something to me as I approached her and my bad ear heard a muffled comment that sounded something like this..."Did you poop and drop?"  Huh???? Did I poop and drop??? I thought that was kind of funny and a very interesting way to break the ice but gosh, we just met. I wasn't sure how to react. My lovely trainer then replied with something like, "That's what we call this, hoop and drop". I busted out laughing then told her what I thought she said. She had a good laugh too. I feel like my poop and drop incident became a bonding moment and it reassured me that I am truly working with a wonderful group of people with a great sense of humor. I don't think there's a single shithead or dickweed in the place. It's all good stuff.

Tomorrow I'll be trained by a different printing expert. I might have to pin this to my shirt or tape it over my bad ear.

International Symbol of Deaf/Hard of Hearing