Random Act Of Kindness

Of all the places in the world to find a happy place I found mine at Kroger. Who would have thought a grocery shopping trip would result in a moment of kindness. I think this was the first time I have ever left my neighborhood Kroger store without mumbling "asshole" under my breath and behind a fake smile to at least one person. 

I was the recipient of a random act of kindness at the deodorant section in aisle 4. Another coupon extraordinaire was eying the soaps with a selection of coupons in hand while I was shuffling through my clipboard of coupons in search of deodorant deals. Admiring each other's couponing ways we began to chat, excitedly sharing smart-shopper tips and boasting about our kick ass finds. Mine was finding a can of that over powering AXE body spray for a "discontinued" discount price of $2.63. But that wasn't the best part. I had a $2.00 off coupon to go with it! I got a can of AXE for 63 cents! 

After several minutes of sharing exciting deal stories my new coupon pal and I had to part ways. As I began strolling down the rest of aisle 4 my new coupon buddy caught up to me with a coupon in her hand. She tells me to take it, she'll never use it. It was a Buy One Get One FREE coupon for AXE! Wow. That was incredibly nice! I thanked her, got another can of AXE and went wee-wee-wee all the way home.

It was a good outing to Kroger tonight. The deals where great but the random act of kindness was greater. The food and paper products and the two cans of AXE will be gone by next month but the kindness a complete stranger shared with me will last a life time. Now it's my turn.

February 14 - 20 is Random Acts Of Kindness Week  Who's in?! 

Be sure to click on the link to learn more about the Random Acts of Kindness Foundation...cool stuff man!          

Eddie Eagle Works For The NRA

I really couldn't tell you how exactly I stumbled upon this today. All I know is I came home from an amazing 24 hour computerless get-away in a cabin with friends and had to catch up on the headline news and my favorite blogs. One link lead to another and another then I came across Eddie. Eddie Eagle to be exact. This darling character is a mascot for the National Riffle Association.   

Eddie Eagle is kind of like Smokey The Bear but with feathers and lots of gun talk. He teaches cute little children about leaving guns alone unless you're at the firing range with mom and dad or killing Smokey for fun with an adult. 


The Violence Policy Center has a great article about Eddie Eagle and the NRA's campaign to entice kids to want a gun and become future leaders of the association. Here's an Eddie Eagle coloring book that was published and distributed through schools. Gosh, he looks so mean! And what's up with that kid's head? I don't know who did the illustrations for this but they should stick to rendering firearms. Looks like some mighty fine detail work on them there guns. 

http://www.vpc.org/studies/eddieone.htm

Now here's the new and improved Eddie in his very own animated cartoon for the kids!  I know, it's a long, agonizing six minutes but try to stick with it until the 1:27 point to meet The Chief. Take a good look at how his mouth moves...pretty entertaining if you ask me. 

Th--tha-tha--th-thaa--That's all folks!

The Amazing Ambam

I'm posting my January 29th entry quite early this Saturday morning because I have things to get done before my action packed evening tonight.  Here it is, short and sweet.

Just after midnight I discovered the news about the Walk Like A Man Gorilla. His name is Ambam, he lives in Kent, Britain and he prefers walking on his two hind legs. Ambam isn't the first gorilla to walk on two legs but a YouTube video gone viral has made Ambam a star.  It's also been reported that walking on two feet is a family thing. Ambam's father and sister strut their stuff the same way.

If you didn't catch Ambam on the news yesterday watch the video and be amazed. Enjoy!

The Truth About Clowns According To Mad Libs

Today I discovered how incredibly fun it is to write your own Mad Libs. You know, the World's Greatest Word Game. I love Mad Libs. Every time I play the game I end up laughing my ass off so hard I get a headache. Now I can say that writing Mad Libs does the same thing to me.

I'm going to a friends super-duper birthday party tomorrow and decided a homemade birthday gift would be perfect. Plus, the gift doubles as a party activity that all the "kids" will enjoy, especially after drinking adult beverages in the hot tub. "Ah-ha!", I thought, "Personalized Mad Libs!" So write a few Mad Lib I did. 

I'm not going to share the birthday girl's Mad Libs tonight but I am going to share my latest literary masterpiece. What can I say, I'm on a roll with this nonsense so why stop now?  


So, if you've been living in a cave somewhere far, far away - let's say Uranus, and you're clueless as to how the World's Greatest Word Game is played, here are the rules: Know third grade grammar and fill in the blanks. Simple! Now here we go.....

1) adjective:

2) adjective:

 3) body part:

4) piece of clothing:

5) adjective:6) adjective:

7) piece of clothing 

8) noun:9) body part:

10) adjective:

11)noun:

12) adjective:

13) adjective:

14) plural noun:

15) adjective:

16) color:

17) animal:

18) color:

19) country:

The Truth About Clowns 
Some people actually like clowns. They think they're 1________ and funny. They like their 2________, red 3________ and their silly 4 ________. Why there are clown fans, nobody knows. What is known is clown fans are sick, 5________ people. Everybody knows that clowns are 6________. They wear baggy 7________ to hide their loaded 8________ and harry 9________. They hide behind 10________ makeup because they are wanted by the U.S. Department of 11________ Security. Parents should never allow a 12________ clown near their children. There are a few 13________ clowns who aren't 14________ but they are hard to find. The most frightening clown is the drunk clown; with 15________ makeup,16 ________ teeth, sweat that smells like 17_________ and 18________ armpit sweat rings. Luckily, these clowns have moved to 19________.

I Thought for Sure I Would Have Been Deemed A Creator Or An Asshole

I learned the most interesting thing today. According to the Dewey Color System Scientifically Valid Non-language Test at CareerPath.com I'm a Researcher. I took the short test and the results indicated I'm Independent, Self-Motivated, Reserved (I don't know about that one), Introspective, Analytical, and Curious. 

Being deemed a Researcher wouldn't surprise the people who really know me. I research everything! One day I was curious about cashew nuts. I made the observation that images of cashews never include the cashew shell but all the other crazy nuts have a recognizable shell. We all know what peanut, walnut, almond, pecan, macadamia, pistachio, and hazlenut shells look like but do you know what a cashew shell looks like? I do. You should go research that. It's really quite interesting. 

Now, if you're as curious as I was about this Dewey Color System Scientifically Valid Non-language Test , click on the link and give it a try. It takes about 5 minutes and the results might amaze you. They actually amazed me. I thought for sure I would have been deemed either a Creator or an Asshole but the more I think about it I guess I am a natural born Researcher. That would explain my secret desire to be a Forensic Scientist by day, a CIA Agent by night and a Private Investigator on the weekends.   

Snotty Psycho Shithead Beeeotch

AT&T first touch button phone - 1963

If only we could have stuck with these...only 10 buttons, no camera, no web and no texting. But no, we now have cell phones and they're being used as weapons in the cyber bullying battle fields.

The Dumb Bully Shithead Boy isn't the only type of bully in our schools these days. There's the Snotty Psycho Shithead Beeeotch too. I know, my son has been effected by one. A Snotty Psycho Shithead Beeeotch's mode of operation is Cyber Bullying. Weapon of choice? The cell phone.

I discovered something very ugly about a Snotty Psycho Shithead Beeeotch yesterday. She sent a text message filled with hurtful lies to an innocent victim. When I got the news about the disturbing message the evil side of my parental instincts wished the girl an outbreak of infected acne on her face and ass topped off with a severe case of gingivitis. But then I took a few deep breaths, calmed myself down, then focused on doing the right thing...bringing the bitch down with the law on my side.

Today I discovered I had it in me to give Snotty Psycho Shithead Beeeotch my death stare of doom as I sat in the school's lobby waiting to see the dean. I do believe it made the little twit a tad uncomfortable. Good! My only sadness about the encounter was not being able to spot an ugly outbreak of acne on the girl's face.

The meeting with the dean and my son went quite well and I left feeling he will be a good team player in tackling this cyber bullying. We spoke about Ohio laws and how he can bust the girl for breaking school rules. When I got home I searched for Ohio Revised Code 2917.21, Telecommunications Harassment law and found it. Ah, a very handy bit of information indeed.  

Poor litlle Snotty Psycho Shithead Beeeotch, I think she's going to have a rude awakening.
     
 

Was That Planned?

Nine o'clock couldn't arrive soon enough tonight. I couldn't wait for "date night" to see who was "dating" who and to hear the State of the Union Address. Everyone seemed to play nice in the chamber tonight and the President even made a funny. As I absorb the message addressed to the American people this evening I just have to share one observation. The ties...

(Reuters: Kevin Lamarque)

    

...powder blue and pink. Was this planned? Was this part of "date night" attire? John has his Repub Lite tie, Joe has his Dem Lite tie and President Obama has his dimmed down blue tie. I listened to what our President was saying but I found myself fixating on those damn ties. Occassioanlly the camera would pan the chamber and sure enough, there were more Dem Lite ties and Repub Lite ties in the crowd too. 

I think a better symbol of unity would be this handsome tie. With equal parts of red and blue you have purple. Perfect choice!

    

Now let's hope Congress can continue to play nice the day after the big "date" and for days to come. Put on your purple ties boys and girls and let's see you get some shit done!