SPLAT!

That's my arm with shades of pink latex paint. You should have seen the rest of me. I was pretty much covered with paint after a fun time at a video shoot today. The whole idea was to come prepared to get splattered and leave splattered in the colors of your choice. I was certainly splattered and it was a BLAST. Even my undies got splattered. How that happened I have no idea.

My toe held up during the shoot - thank God. I was very careful and wrapped it in gauze with neosporin. Then I wrapped it in saran wrap and taped it shut. The only part of my body that didn't get paint on it was my second toe on my right foot. Now I'm pampering my sick toe with an Epsom salt foot bath...ahhh, that feels so good.

So here's what I learned today. Don't open your mouth during a paint fight AND treat yourself to Epsom salt foot baths even when your feet are healthy. It feels heavenly.   

Sandals Can Be Hazardous To Your Health

Boy. Did I ever learn a big lesson today. Don't wear sandals to work. I had a little accident today when my exposed toes made contact with a piece of machinery at work this morning. When my little piggies struck the corner of a metal printer on the floor it sent a shock wave through my body and I immediately became concerned. Concerned that I might have scraped my freshly groomed nails and my royal blue polish would be marred. Well, sure enough, one toenail was definitely marred. 

Ha. Marred! That's an understatement. My poor, poor toenail was ripped up like the hood on a car. Holy shit that hurt! I can't believe it, the first day I wear sandals this Spring and I manage to fuck up my foot. And of all days to have a ripped toenail, the day of the Mother Artists at Work: Laboring exhibit opening. 

I couldn't let an injured toe stop me today. I just had to suck it up and be a soldier like my dad would tell me when I was a kid. I tapped in to my mind-over-matter super hero powers, practiced some lamaze breathing, covered the wound with a Hello Kitty bandage, slipped on socks to absorb the blood and limped to my big opening after leaving work early. 

A beautiful exhibit and wonderful friends distracted me from the throbbing ache and blood moistened sock but by the end of the day, I couldn't wait to get home and take care of my 'marred' nail. After cleaning it and applying a new bandage I popped a vicodin and called it a day. I have no idea what to expect tomorrow or what to do with my injury but for now I'm just going to enjoy feeling comfortably numb and get a good nights rest. 

     

Shit! A Zit!

Really super short blog tonight. I'm busy, busy, busy so there's no time to ramble on and on bitching about something. So here's what I discovered today. I have a fucking zit! Damn! And I have an exhibit opening tomorrow. Oh well, I'll just have to charm the crowd with my dazzling smile and inappropriate ways. Maybe they won't notice the volcano erupting on my jaw line.

That's it. Gotta go!

Violence vs. Dickless --- Violence Wins

Mission accomplished! My evil, family unfriendly piece of art has been replaced with a family friendlier piece for the Mother Artists at Work: Laboring exhibition
. 

 
Much better. What the hell was I thinking in the first place...submitting a piece of art with the word Dickless? How did I not know that the general public would be offended by such work? I'm so stupid. Of course a piece depicting a man being burned in the face with an iron is WAY more family friendly. Well, now I know, society likes violent humor more than sans dick humor. This would explain why America's Funniest Videos is still on the air. People LOVE watching small children and the elderly fall and seeing a head injury in the making. Well, I'm just happy I was able to replace my offensive piece with a kinder, gentler piece today. The gallery has been very nice and I totally appreciate the way they have handled everything. I'm really not bitching, I'm just sharing my uncensored opinions and laughing about this whole thing. It amuses me.


So to end this evening's blog I have a special treat...Dickless. : by Fluffee Talks. I think Fluffee is a rising star so sit back and enjoy!

 





 

Society Doesn't Like The Name Dick Or Thinking About Penises

I think the most flattering thing that happened to me today was having a piece of artwork censored! It's like getting a Girl Scout badge for being a bad ass. I'm not bragging and I'm not counting but I have TWO Bad Ass badges now and I proudly wear them on my invisible sash. But I'm not bragging.

Here's the deal. I'm not trying to make work that's controversial, I'm just making work I enjoy making. I make it for me first then it's for whoever else who chooses to view it or better yet, buy it. Getting censored from time to time doesn't bother me. It actually makes my nipples a little bit hard when I get censored because censorship boils down to societal expectations...the very thing my artwork is about. It's about a 1960's housewife trying to break free from a toxic relationship AND society's expectations of what a good little wifey should be.

This is the evil, family unfriendly piece that got rejected from an upcoming exhibit. The 'Dickless Home' and 'Dick's Out' combo would be the problem here. Society doesn't like the name Dick or thinking about penises. Well, that's not really how the censorship was presented to me, that's just me being a dick. Actually, my notification of the censorship was the loveliest rejection email I've ever gotten. I have no hard feelings. How could I have hard feelings? I do my artwork for me and I'm not offended by it and my family unfriendly work has been seen by my own family everyday for 10 years and have yet to show signs of being emotionally scarred. Seriously, why would I be upset? It's all good.

Well, enough about my censorship. I have another Bad Ass badge to sew on my invisible sash then I'm off to bed.






   

 

Streaking Day

I love my part time job but it was sure nice to have the day off. My soul needed it and my daughter needed it too. We spent the day together fulfilling one of her birthday wishes...purple streaks in her hair and a new pair of jeggings. You know, leggings + jeans = jeggings.

The girl decided to skip the salon scene and have me funkafy her hair at home. I've never put purple streaks in hair before but she trusted I could do it. Boy, talk about pressure! I warned her that it could end up a disaster but she still had faith I could do it...so dying streaks of purple is what I did. Well, sort of.

The one thing I learned today was hair needs bleached before applying any wacky color. Seems like I should have known that already but I didn't. So the bleaching was a success for both of us. Yes, I decided to bleach a few streaks on my head too. I hated to see the hair bleach go to waste. The next step was applying the purple dye on the girl's bleached streaks and that went well too, except the dye dried blue, not purple. 

My girl is such a sweet thing. She admitted she wished the streaks were purple but she was still thrilled and within minutes fell in love with her stripes of blue. And I too am thrilled with my bleached blond streaks. I'm also thrilled to have a happy girl with a birthday wish that came true.

   

Easter 2011 - Thumbs Up

I rose from the dead (without a headache) around noon today and that was a beautiful thing. Sleeping in was such a treat for me, along with allowing myself to set my burdens free for just one day. I soooooo needed a good night's rest and a day off from extreme stress.

It was a nice Easter. Kids liked their baskets filled with goodies. They got personal hygiene products, Jarritos Pineapple (Pina) soda, vintage candies like Zots, Mary Janes, and Buns with Maple. And the best thing I think they got are the vintage wax mustaches!!! I almost picked up the vintage wax lips I saw but decided mustaches are way funnier. The kids definitely thought they were pretty funny. They even agreed to a group shot when I suggested a photo shoot. I was so pleased because that was part of my master plan when I bought the wax mustaches. I think I'll have to make this an Easter tradition then when I'm super old they can come see me in my nursing home in Ampsterdam on Easter and wear their wax mustaches to make me feel good when I have excessive amounts of wild ear, nose, and facial hair.

Another highlight of the day was our family movie night. We saw Hanna and it was fabulous. The flick gets a huge thumbs up from all five of us. So yes, the movie was great but even better than that, spending time with my family was even greater.

Easter Eve

It's the night before Easter, the baskets are filled,sitting near the half decorated Christmas tree. I have another headache so dismantling the rest of the damn tree is just going to have to wait. Nobody else in the house seems too bothered by having a Christmas tree up for Easter but it's bugging the shit out of me. 

It's been a tough week. No, I mean a tough month. No, that's not right...a tough year so far. There's been some great things that have happened but there's also been some very trying moments along the way. I think the trying moments are the cause for these damn headaches. That and the sucky weather we have in Central Ohio.

I did learn something today. I learned you can find out all sorts of information on the County Recorder's site. When you have a vested interest in a family matter and you have the legal right to be informed but one party chooses not to communicate you have to rely on the wonders of the internet and public records. I can't say I have a lot of answers to all my questions yet but I'm getting closer to finding the truth about a few issues.

So that's it for tonight. I'm tired, my head's pounding and I need to shower and get my ass to bed. If I time it right, I'll be able to end my Lenten promise of drinking only water at midnight and enjoy a cold glass of iced green tea before dozing off to sleep. 

 

 

Not Feeling So Good Friday

I finally figured out why I've been feeling so melancholy all day. It's Good Friday. Of course I would feel like this, I seem to always feel like this on Not Feeling So Good Friday every year. I've been conditioned well. As a kid, Good Friday was always kind of an eerie day growing up Catholic and going to Catholic school with lots of serious nuns with yard sticks and paddles. It seems like every Good Friday is gray and rainy or sunny in the morning and a sudden storm hits at lunch hour. Today was one of those gray and rainy days...that didn't help with the blahs.

I'm no longer the good little Catholic I used to be but some traditions seem to stick with me, like feeling not so good on Good Friday. It's not that I feel sick, just blah, like I have a heavy weight on my heart. As I try to pin point what exactly it is that's weighing on me I stir up all sorts of things that have been bringing me down, then I get even more down because some things are such downers I don't even want to face them. 

It's hard to face the fact that you have a sibling that has severed ties, has made some huge boner mistakes, and has become a dishonest person. Pretty tough stuff to have to face. Now that I've accepted that the family tree has a broken branch I question who will carry the cross made from the branch? I have to remember it's not my cross to bare.

Kids React To Charlie Sheen Interview

I had the day off work to do...work. I'm pooped all already and it's only 8:00ish in the evening. In one more hour I'm going to call it a night, get my sexy evening wear on (droopy sweats and fluffy socks) and watch Will Ferrell on The Office. Right now is the perfect opportunity to post my blog and share a couple things I discovered today. 

First off, a fabulous video - Kids React To Charlie Sheen Interview.

Oh how I enjoyed this. Way to go kids! You are some smart young ladies and gentlemen indeed. 

Since I had to bring Charlie Sheen up again it seems natural to share an update about that twisted nut we've been worried about around here.

Good news! The boy saw the urologist today and low and behold, the only twisted nut around here would be me I suppose. I'm pleased to report all the nuts in this house are happy, healthy little rascals and Testicle Boy is feeling much better. Apparently he had a mysterious infection caused by an unfortunate basketball and groin collision and when the boy didn't take it easy after the minor accident, parts and pieces got inflamed which created issues inside and an infection set in. The kid didn't complain about discomfort until the problem got unbearable. My boy needs to complain more I guess.

So there you have it. Kids can spot a real nut that is sick and I discovered one nut that wasn't sick at all. I can rest better tonight in my home of happy testicles. 

 

Tis The Season For My Greatest Fear

The very first thing I learned today was that the tornado sirens blared across Franklin County as I soundly slept, drooling in my pillow, all warm and cozy in bed. Apparently a tornado warning was issued around 2:00something this morning but I didn't have a clue. Thank God I didn't hear them, I would have freaked and never been able to sleep. The house was well protected though as my very own Homeland Security dude was alert and ready to take action if the conditions worsened. 

Tornadoes are my greatest fear. I'm fascinated by them and can't learn enough about them but they scare the living shit out of me. And living shit is really bad compared to dead shit by the way. 

When I was a kid we didn't have tornado sirens, especially in rural Ohio. I can remember one Spring when it seemed like we were always taking shelter in the basement but even then I wasn't that scared that living shit came out of me. No, my greatest fear didn't start there, it started on a sunny Spring day in Toledo. I was a young kid in the backseat of the family's Rambler with mom and dad in the front. I remember how much I loved seeing the draw bridges in action and driving over those bridges every time we would go to the big city. But on that particular day, my love for driving over draw bridges turned ugly when the sunny skies became black in an instant, wind and rain came out of no where, and a tornado warning was announced on the car radio.

There we were, on top of a draw bridge stuck in rush hour traffic. I didn't know it was rush hour traffic at the time, I just thought everybody was trying to leave Toledo at the same time because of a monster tornado chasing them. Three lanes of traffic sat idle on the drawn up bridge waiting for a ship to pass by. Tall semis and cars were bumper to bumper and I will never forget seeing this kid on the walk way to the right of us being blown off his bike. The wind was so violent it blew this kid off his feet and one of the truckers opened his passenger door, reached out to catch the kid's arm, and swooped him into his cab. Meanwhile, the tall semi right next to us was being blown so hard it begin tipping toward our little Rambler, all the wheels on the opposite side of us left the ground. It was then when I began to whimper, "It's going to fall on us!" 

My parents were so brave as they told me everything would be fine but I needed to curl up on the floor of the car. I did immediately because it was no time to disobey. They told me something like it's only a bad storm and I would feel better if I didn't watch out the window and just try to rest. They were unbelievably calm and their calmness helped calm me. I don't know what else really happened while we were stuck on the bridge but as soon as I felt the car moving at a steady speed I asked if I could get up and the answer was yes. We made it home and not much was ever mentioned about the experience again until I was in college. I asked my parents if they were scared that dreadful day when we were stuck on the bridge and it was then I learned that they were terrified. they also revealed that I wasn't told to curl up on the floor of the car because I was scared, I was told to do that because they thought it would be the only chance for me to survive having our car crushed by a truck.

So there's the root of my greatest fear...a Toledo tornado. I try to forget it but to this day the threat of a tornado still scares the living shit out of me. I've at least gotten over my fear of trucks.   

Word Of The Day: (!)-------l=

I'm back to spinning through my days again but that's a hell of a lot better than spinning in a cesspool of nothingness I guess. Believe it or not, going to work today actually stopped the spinning for 9 hours as I got tons of work done and enjoyed the day with the loveliest coworkers ever. It was a special day because it was another Word Of The Day day at work. 

The word of the day isn't really a planned thing. It just happens sometimes so when one of the lovely coworkers thought part of the lyrics in a song was ♪♫ ♪♫♪♫ butt-plug ♪♫♪♫ ♪♫ it seemed obvious that it should be the official word of the day. You see, the word of the day should always be a word one does not use often, like butt-plug!

I think I out did myself with the word of the day. Playing the game means you need to use the word as many times as you can in a day and well, I'm a bit of an over achiever. And now I'm writing about butt-plug to add to my tally before the stroke of midnight. I even put some thought to an emoticon for butt-plug. 

(!)-------l=

Get it? (!) is butt. -------- is a cord. l= is the plug. 

Not only did I discover I was able to stop my world from spinning, set my worries aside, and have a sane day at work saying butt-plug more times than any one person should, I also learned how to use the character map on my computer. That's how I did my fancy ♪♫♪♫♪. I investigated the character map tonight thinking I might find a butt-plug symbol but no such luck.

  

 

 

May 2 Deadline To Submit Claim - Get Your Money Back From The Greedy Bastards

Back on January 4th I wrote about the greedy bastards at Fifth Third Bank. On that day I discovered how easy it is to submit a claim for the Fifth Third Bank Class Action Settlement. 

I'm posting about this again in case you missed the news and you have been or still are a Fifth Third victim...I mean customer, you have about two weeks left to submit a claim. I don't know about you but I'm getting really sick of greedy bastards crapping on me and wiping their big hairy, greedy asses with my money. 

There was a Fairness Hearing on March 16, 2011, at the United States District Court for the Northern District of Illinois to consider whether the proposed Settlement was fair, reasonable, and adequate. If found fair, reasonable and adequate victims who filed a claim can expect up to 3 times their money back from the dirty thieves!

So don't forget to file. You have until May 2nd. And it really is super easy to do.

Bad News

It's a short post tonight. No picture and few words as I share a very sad discovery I made today. I'm no longer expecting baby robins to hatch in our time share porch nest that was taken over by Ms. Robin this year. Due to high winds the nest was apparently damaged last night and late this afternoon blue shelled robin eggs were found crushed on the floor of the back deck. Ms. Robin has yet to return.

Goodbye Ms. Robin. Goodbye baby birds. Maybe next year you can try again and I can create a structure that will shelter future nests from wind damage. I know what happened is all part of nature but it still makes me very sad.

Freebalicious - Part 2

I can't help but post what I received today in the mail. MORE freebies - yippy! 

The potholder is the best. It arrived just in time because my old one needs torched and buried in the Devil's yard. And then there's more coffee. A household can never have too much coffee in my opinion, even though I gave up the stuff 3 years ago. Thankfully I have a handsome coffee lover in the house and I can still enjoy the aroma.

That's my grand blog entry for this stormy Saturday because I'm already late for the opening of a group exhibit I'm in. So off I go!  

Freebalicious

It was a freebalicious kind of week. I finally opened all the goodies I received in the past 7 days. It was like Christmas! So here's the loot:

• Jello Temptations coupon for a free 6 pack of the stuff
• Coupon for one fancy FREE Bic lighter 
• 2 tiny bottles of secret potion to heal razor burns and in grown hairs
• 2 packets of MiraLAX for constipation
• Dove Men + Care shampoo
• Dove Men + Care deodorant
• Oxy acne treatment
• Ocean Spray Sparkling Cranberry drink
• DiscoverLaw.org 100% cotton t-shirt
• Google Chrome finger sleeves

I'm pretty pleased with this week's arrivals. I think we can use all of these but I'm a little confused with the finger sleeves. Does one wear them for warmth or fashion? I just don't know so I'll be putting them in somebodies stocking and let them figure it out.     

I'm Expecting!

I'm expecting!!!!! Expecting baby robins that is. I noticed the small, weathered, time-share nest on the back porch getting bigger and tidied up day by day and quite a few birds hanging around the deck over the last few weeks but I didn't know which one of my feathered friends would claim this year's porch nest until tonight. 

 
Meet Ms. Robin. She's the proud owner of the 2011 newly remodeled nest of love. We can't wait to meet the rest of the family!

Damn Amazing!

I, thee Incidental Genius, survived one crazy ass day of go-go-go!. As I sit hear composing my thoughts I realize I'm pretty damn amazing. Yep, that's right. The voice in my head just told me so. I know that sounds incredibly cocky but fuck it. It feels good to feel amazing instead of guilty, tired, lazy, disappointed, sick, worried, sad, angry, (add any self destructive adjective here:__________). 

I learned a very important lesson today. Actually it's an old lesson but I seem to forget it a lot. The lesson is this: PANIC AND WORRY IS PARALYZING! Yes, I just screamed that. Oh, and another thing. Racing through every day too fast forces your brain to ooze out of your skull which inhibits you to think.

By moving panic and worry out of my brain I was able to walk, not run, through my day. My brain didn't go splat on the floor and all the wires and gears were perfectly engaged. Kids got to school on time, even with a hint of a smile on their faces. I got to my first job, then to my second job were I had back to back rolls to play...a turpentine drinking diarrhea patient then a patient with back pain. After that it was homework hour with the girl, dinner, a wee bit of freelance work, then some downtime web surfing where I found this!





That's Polish gymnast Leszek Blanik and he's pretty darn amazing too! In some ways I feel my day was like Blanik's performance...steady, flawless and executed with great precision.

A Special Potato And A Murder Suicide

I thought I was going to share just one great discover I made today but now I have two great discoveries to share.

My first discovery of the day was finding a taterheart! You know, a heart shaped potato!

My LuvSpud - Discovered 04.12.2011

How cool is that?! Finding this gem in the bottom of a 10 pound bag of spuds after a long day of playing a middle aged patient having chest pain was kind of freaky...freaky but cool. It certainly made me smile, especially since I'm a huge potato lover. I'm such a huge fan of taters they called me Spud when I was a kid. I haven't met a potato I don't like.

I wish I had taken a better shot of my LuvSpud before performing open heart surgery on it. Now I'm kind of wishing I hadn't added it to my soup. I should have kept it then it could have dried up and transformed into a scrotum or something. Damn! I just wasn't thinking.

As if my spectacular potato discovery isn't enough to share in one night, I have yet another discovery to share! The Los Feliz Murder Mansion. 

http://www.forbes.com/2011/03/23/abandoned-mansions-luxury-real-estate-forbeslife_slide_4.html

I opened a Yahoo news story that brought me to a forbes.com article about abandoned mansions featuring 9 of the creepiest mansions in the Untied States. The Los Feliz mansion was one of them. I had never heard of this mansion nor the murder suicide that took place in it on December 6, 1959. After reading the short blurb about the mansion I had to get my google on and find out more. 

A mystery surrounds the mansion. It has not been occupied since the night Dr. Harold Perelson murdered his wife with a ball peen hammer, severely injured his 18 year old daughter, and then killed himself by drinking acid. The mansion is owned by a gentleman who pays the taxes but chooses to keep it empty until he figures out what he wants to do with it. The owner is now 79.

I think the best information I found about the mansion and the crime that took place is HERE.

If you're at all interested in crime stories of the past you're going to enjoy reading about this one. 

So there's my great discoveries of the day...a happy LuvSpud and a brutal murder suicide with a mysterious mansion left behind.

Bring It On Will

Three more days until the big event!!! Will Ferrell on The Office!!! This will surely be the highlight of my life this week.

A few days ago the spouse told me about this website, Funny Or Die ...OMG, this is some funny shit, all from the one and only Will Ferrell. Today I visited the site for the first time to watch the epic production of The Landlord. You have to watch, you'll thank me for it.   

The Landlord from Will Ferrell

Funny right? What makes this even better is knowing that Pearl the Landlord is Will's daughter. Here are out takes if you want even more entertainment.

The Landlord Out Takes from Will Ferrell

I think discovering The Landlord tonight was the best thing I learned all day. It was nice to have a good laugh after a long day of work while recovering from the germs that camped out in my intestines over the weekend. Sure my gut is sore but a healthy belly laugh was just what the doctor ordered.

Now I must run and look for my Funny or Die confirmation email. I'm now a member of the site and can look forward to a weekly newsletter with comical gems to watch. I can't wait!   

I love My DicBot

I learned that finishing a piece of art can make my sore innards feel just a little bit better. I have not felt well the last couple days but finding the strength to wrap up my latest piece made me forget my woes for an hour and helped put a smile on my face. In between bathroom visits I was able to put the final touches on my "vintage" advertisement for DicBot-65 and with the perfect morning light we had this morning I was able to capture this nifty shot of the piece with my awesome camera from craigslist! 

This nasty germ I seem to have caught by over indulging at Kroger's Sample Day on Friday sure wiped me out but thanks to DicBot, I pulled my shit together long enough to accomplish at least one thing this weekend. Thanks DicBot! I love you.  

Bombed With A Kroger Sample Day Hangover

I get it now! It's called My Torpedo of Truth/Whatever, Whatever, Blah-Blah-Blah Tour because torpedoes bomb. Silly me, I've been associating torpedo with a certain man part. After reading the reviews of Chuck's first show in NYC last night I got thinking, the show needs renamed. How about My Show Is Bombing, That's The Truth Tour. 

Enough about whack job, I personally feel like I bombed today. I had a million things I was going to get done but that just didn't happen. I think I had a Kroger Sample Day hangover. Something very bad was happening in my innards and it wasn't pretty. At least I can say I learned something...no matter how tempting the goodies look, never do Kroger Sample Day again, especially when there's a stomach flu floating around. uuuuuugh
       

She's Got Balls And He's Got Jerky

In an interview with London's Daily Mail yesterday, Betty White was quoted saying, "I cannot stand the people who get wonderful starts in show business and who abuse it. Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen for example. They party too much, don't learn their lines, are unprofessional, and they grumble about everything. I think they are terribly ungrateful. We considered ourselves lucky ... and were always on our best behavior in public."

http://www.therealstevegray.com/2010/10/betty-white-ya-bloody-legend/

I love you Betty! Seriously, who doesn't like Betty White? Okay, maybe two people don't like her at the moment but maybe after they pull their shit together they'll look back and send her a big thank you card and a dozen roses. I've decided I want to be just like Betty when I grow up. 

That's just one thing I learned today, Betty White has some big, beautiful balls! I also learned that Jeff Foxworthy is the king of jerky.

Maybe I should have known this but I'm not much of a beef jerky fan...probably because I have enough jerk in me already so there's no need for the stuff. The kids love jerky though. I think the Easter Bunny will have to find some of Jeff's packets and fill a few baskets this year. The kids will love me.


That's my post for the night, celebrity trivia. Sure there's more pressing matters going on in the world and pressing matters in the home but after a long, tiring week of stress and twisted nut worries it's kind of nice to just write about two of my favorite stars and the tidbits of information I learned about them today.

 

The Dynamic Duo

http://catherinebellsmith.blogspot.com/

Wow! I think one of the best things I learned today was how incredibly amazing Catherine Bell Smith is. Well, I already knew she was amazing but tonight I learned she's the queen of awesomeness. I also learned how incredibly amazing Claire E. Smith  is too. This dynamic duo can sure put together a stunning exhibit! Rural Routes (Not Your Traditional Landscape) is a two woman show curated by Alissa Sorenson at the Ohio Art League Gallery.

Tonight was the opening of Rural Routes and I was absolutely blown away. These ladies kicked some major ass. The show consists of lithographs, drawings and three large sculptures that create an installation for viewers to weave around (and through) to capture the beauty of a scenic route of natural fibers, cloth and steel. The viewer becomes a traveler passing through farmland masterfully constructed in not-so-traditional ways. 


Rural Routes is one of those exhibits that isn't just viewed, it's experienced. I know I'll be going back to experience this beautiful show again. I'm looking forward to journeying through when the 'routes' aren't so crowded. 








   

Twisted Nut Report

Today was the big day for the Charlie Sheen: Idiots In Columbus Help Me And My Torpedo Get Rich tour. Chuck was in town today and reviews are still coming in. According to WBNS Channel 10 News Chuck got mixed reviews with some fans leaving before the end. Then there were others who thought it was worth their hard earned money. NBC4 Reports this...

Sheen Fans In Columbus Cool To The Actor

Columbus -- Actor Charlie Sheen performed his stand up tour Wednesday night at Palace Theater and some Central Ohioans walked out before the show was over.

Sheen’s “Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is no an Option “Tour had received some mixed reviews in cities like Detroit and Chicago.  NBC 4 spoke with several people who were leaving the show and said Sheen the show had no focus and the actor was just ranting.

Sheen’s tour includes 20 cities and runs through May 3^rd.

I'll be honest, I really hoped Columbus would pull a Detroit tonight. I'm really bothered by this guy and I'm also a bit concerned about him...but more bothered. Or am I more bothered by the people who give him high praise for his insanity and gladly pay him to be an ass. What's wrong with these people?! Geeesh

Speaking of twisted nuts, I had to get my bitch on today. My poor boy is still dealing with pain and hasn't been able to go to school. According to the ultrasound at the ER the nut in question didn't appear to be twisted but there is something wrong and only an urologist can find the problem. I've been waiting since Monday to get the referral to take the kid to a specialist. When the doctor's office finally called me today with an urologist appointment for NEXT WEEK I lost it. 

This is where I got my bitch on. I told the nurse that wasn't acceptable, we needed an appointment ASAP. She said next week was the best they could do. I calmly but firmly explained that she will have to set an appointment for this week or I will have to take the boy back to the ER, demand an urologist there and not leave until we see one. I explained that I would follow through with that plan and would tell the ER staff who's doctor's office has ignored the severity of my sons pain and condition. The nurse called me back in 15 minutes with an urologist appointment set for tomorrow. Now that's what I call winning.     

 

Just Exhale

Sometimes you just have to allow yourself to exhale after a twisted testicle scare, an ER visit, 3.5 hours of sleep, working an acting gig as a patient stressed out about chest pain, a youngest child's 13trh birthday, and being coach, tutor and cheerleader for 2 hours of homework about the Bill Of Rights, you just have to stop and give yourself time to decompress. Tonight I stopped, dropped and painted and plan on doing more painting after I hit the "Publish Post". Sure I'm tired. Exhausted to be exact but I realized I'm also deprived. I'm deprived of ME time. I'll sleep much better tonight after I feed my soul with some good music and art making. It'll also help tame the inner bitch I feel stirring in my stomach (or maybe that's the sliders I ate at 3AM this morning)...either way, everybody should appreciate that I've given myself a healthy timeout.

Sometimes you just have to exhale. 

One Crazy Nut And An ER Trip

I'm late posting. I sat down to write my blog at 10:00ish PM and had all sorts of tidbits about ticket sales for the Charlie Sheen: What Not To Do To Win People Over tour but one crazy nut prevented me from reporting. 

Poor, poor, crazy nut. I feel so bad for my boy. It's his nut and it's been giving him grief for a few too many days while we wait for an appointment to see an urologist. When I found the kid on the bathroom floor, doubled over and sobbing I knew it was time to go to the ER. Thankfully we're home now (after a post ER White Castle run). The kid's sound asleep and I'm ready to drop.

So, you know what I learned today? When you go to the ER and tell the front desk your kid might have a twisted testicle...you get bumped to the front of the line! I think if I was really listening to the crowd behind me as we walked through the doors first, it probably sounded a lot like Charlie Sheen's audience in Detroit.

 

"My Torpedo Fell Over And Couldn't Stand Up Again" Tour Was A Flop (UPDATE)

So it was around 2:00 AM this morning when I learned that Detroit rejected Charlie Sheen last night at his opening show of his I'm an idiot and I have a torpedo exploding in my head tour...or it's called something like that. 

Well, ain't that a surprise. According to hundreds of reports following the failed one man show Sheen was booed off stage and thousands left the Fox Theater in Detroit chanting, "Refund - refund". Apparently Sheen's response to the failed debut is being blamed on the audience. Go figure, a mentally deranged egomaniac thinks his "winning" rants, pissing and moaning wasn't enjoyed by the packed house of 5,000some boobs because the audience turned out to be a bunch of idiots who wanted more for their money. Gee Charlie, maybe the audience should be blamed because they were idiots to buy tickets in the first place! 

A good majority of the ticket buyers did come to their senses half way through the failed event and walked out of the show before the curtain closed but the warlock still had a hundred or so "true" fans left when the house lights came up so he could have his torpedo...I mean ego, stroked by some brain cell deficient enablers.

To read more on the opening night of the My torpedo fell over and couldn't stand up again tour you can find a million reports but here's one from The Huffington Post. Charlie Sheen Booed Off Stage At Live Show In Detroit   

Oh, and one last tidbit of information. You know how it was reported that shows sold out across the country as soon as tickets went on sale for the Truth be known my torpedo fell asleep on my sweaty scrotum tour? Well, not really. Tickets may have sold but seats may not be filled unless all the secondary sellers...you know, scalpers, sell their lots of "#losing" tickets. What a bunch of fools I tell you! Here's a little article about that - Charlie Sheen Ticket Sales Aren't Winning After All  

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but the torpedo never made it past lift off Charlie. And as far as the ticket buyers are concerned...you're all a bunch of idiots...sorry to break that to you.

UPDATE: According to the official, stomach turning Charlie Sheen website I just learned that Chuck is donating $1 from every ticket sold for his Malfunctioning Torpedo tour to the Red Cross Japanese Earthquake Relief Fund. Okay, that makes me feel a wee bit better about all this Sheen madness. At least the 5000some boobs in Detroit who bought tickets can say they did something good with their eagerness to watch a train wreck.

A Day Of Taxes And DicBot-65

It was a productive day working in my pajamas and styling some wicked bed head. I don't even think I brushed my teeth yet and it's almost midnight. But who cares? I actually got a lot done today. My biggest accomplishment was filing the tax returns. Not an easy task when you have kids with W-2s and 1099s and two adults who worked as independent contractors in 2010. Thank God for TurboTax and free online filing through the State of Ohio. Hey! I'm pretty proud of myself. Doing ALL the taxes like a big kid is huge for me.


The entire day wasn't spent on taxes. I even started working on a new piece of art! To prepare for creating my new piece I needed to take shots of an older piece I made several months ago and the results were fabulous. My new craigslist camera is tits!!!!

That's DicBot-65 with Acid Slime Action. I think my new camera took an incredible shot. I definitely learned that my craigslist bargain kicks ass for a point and shoot. I also learned that I have missed making art. Pulling DicBot out was the perfect way to celebrate the end of my family's tax season.
 

A Big Pile Of Poo Wasn't Dumped On Me!

I have to admit, this is one of my favorite days. Over the past few years I haven't participated in this annual day of silliness as I didn't have much silly in my bones. Sick family members and deaths kind of dumps a big pile of poo on any silly you might have inside. But this year was different. I could embrace the silly within and actually take a few moments out of my day to play a prank. It made me giggle all day. It sure beats feeling like the Grim Reaper shat on your head!

I sent an email to my employer using a new email address I made just for today's prank. The email was from the President of The United States and in it he suggested that one of the employees (me) should be recognized for a job well done. Some of the ideas the president had to recognize the outstanding employee included:

A raise
Business cards with a flattering title

A gold metal

Free lunches

Daily back massages

Happy hour celebrations

A parade

A new car

The whole thing made me laugh. Hopefully the recipients thought it was just as funny. Today was my day off so I don't really know how the message was perceived but I guess I'll find out when I go in on Monday. 

Rediscovering the old prankster in me was a delightful experience for me today. I needed that mental health break to escape the worries I've been carrying about my sick kid and the doldrums of preparing my tax returns. hmmm, Funny how I chose April Fools Day to do my taxes. 

Anyway, it's an earlier than usual post tonight because I have a plane to catch. I'm flying on the red eye to catch a hardy brunch of eggs, salmon, and moose sausage with the Palins in Wasilla..................................................................................................................... 

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..............................................................................................APRIL FOOLS!