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| P. Silex pronounced dead FEB 2-2011 4:58PM |
Above is a crime scene photo of the mysterious death of Proctor Silex. Cause of death is unknown at this time. What is known is P. Silex was born in 2010 in China then moved to Glen Allen, VA. Later that year, Silex found a temporary home at a Family Dollar in Columbus, Ohio. Just before the holidays P. Silex found a permanent home with a lovely family where a new relationship began to form with a beautiful handler. Every time the passionate handler would make physical contact, Silex was always turned on. It was a happy relationship until P. Silex couldn't beat it anymore. The handler tried turning Silex off then on again but there was no sign of life. Silex's final beater ejection was at 4:58 PM today.
P. Silex's foster family is mourning the lose of their newly found helper but the handler is the most mortified with the thought that this might have been a suicide or worse...manslaughter.
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| Exhibit A |
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| Exhibit B |
Evidence would suggest that the untimely death of P. Silex was neither suicide or manslaughter but was due to natural causes. Exhibit A clearly proves Silex was a cheap bastard from Family Dollar. Exhibit B brings into question Silex's place of origin. After examining the evidence, the handler no longer feels guilt and has vowed to start a better relationship with a mixer of quality in the future.
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