You'll Be Missed

A very special person entered my life about 3 months ago. I had no idea this person would touch my heart the way she did. This would be the very first person who trained me at the new job I landed in February. We began working together at 9:00 AM my first day at work and by 4:00 PM I knew I could fall in love with this girl.  Three months later, I can definitely say I love her. I love her as friend, a sister, and even like a daughter...like in the way a mother wants only the best for her kid and expects to hear about all the adventures and accomplishments so she can boast and be incredibly proud. It's that kind of love, mixed with a large helping of sisterhood and friendship. This girl radiates joy and goodness and turns my heart into a warm sappy ball of gooey love and laughter.


Today, this very special person celebrated her last day at work. It was bitter sweet for me but I tried not to show the bitter part. Today we all celebrated her awesomeness and said goodbye the best way we could while trying to get work done. I'm going to miss this girl as she rides off into the sunset on her way to San Fransisco but I have a feeling she will stick with me for the rest of my life. Some people have that effect...their goodness and joy sneaks into your heart and never leaves.

This sums it up the best. My farewell message written on the bathroom wall.

 





 

311 And The Best Trash Dudes Ever

Boy! I learned lots today! It started at 8:19 this morning when I called 311. First off, I learned how fast and painless it is to call the City of Columbus Call Center to ask why my bulk pick up dudes didn't pick up my bulk. They were scheduled for a pickup yesterday but nothing was taken. 

I spoke with the nicest Call Center representative and she immediately scheduled another pick up. I was informed it may not be removed until tomorrow but it would definitely be gone by the weekend. After my 2 minute phone call I hung up and smiled. What a wonderful surprise it was to talk to a city employee first thing in the morning and feel like a valued customer. I was totally prepared to be a bitch and demand my pile of crap be removed ASAP and threaten to contact the media about poor service but instead, I feel I need to write a letter to compliment my Call Center representative and compliment the City too. Yes, I am now a big 311 fan.

The next lesson learned was at 9:37. The phone rang and it was my bulk pickup dudes, they were in the back alley. They told me they couldn't remove my crap! Grrrrrr. Hearing that stirred the crazed bitch in me but after asking why, Trash Dude explained and I felt better. Our crap was still on our property, not the City's property, and when that happens the crap can't be picked up. It's a liability thing. Trash dude said it would all have to be moved about 4 feet to be on City Property then they could pitch it. I told them not to leave and I would be right out to move the crap.

At this point I was having mixed emotions about the whole thing. Part of me was pleased that my crap was going to be gone but the other part of me thought the whole thing was stupid and I was going to feel stupid moving my stupid crap, all by myself, while the trash dudes watched, then they would move the stupid crap again while I watched them complete the job. Seriously, isn't that down right stupid?! 


Well, once again I got myself worked up for nothing. I meet Trash Dude 1, Trash Dude 2, and Trash Dude 3 in the alley and as soon as I started trying to move some of the trashed furniture they quickly stopped me. They were the sweetest Trash Dudes I've ever met. They would not allow me to move anything and happily did the job without my help. I still picked up a few loose items because I was dying to throw them in the heavy duty garbage crushing truck just to watch the powerful crushing action. It was great!

Although I learned plenty other things today I think I'll just stick to the lessons learned with my City of Columbus experiences. I have to say, our City workers are fine folks and I should never have thought they were going to be complete dicks. Shame on me for expecting the worst.  
     

Prehensile Erectilesaurise: A Hand Contortion Of An Aroused Monster

I learned the coolest thing ever today. A super cool hand trick thingy bob. I guess it's more like a hand contortion. Thanks to one of my lovely coworkers at my acting job I learned how to do this!

Pretty cool right? I'm so glad another lovely coworker was armed and ready with her nifty cell phone to take a shot before I untangled my hands. She was on her toes when she suggested, "Blog!" Thanks lovely coworkers!!!

So can you see it? The creature? It has red eyes, a snout, a mouth, and a tongue but my creature's tongue is drooping and may be interpreted as a different creature feature. You know, that feature male creatures have. I don't know much about this particular species but it almost looks like my creature could be slightly aroused. 

In case you don't see the well hung creature above I made a more pictorial image of the monster. Maybe this will help...

RAWR!

 There's my super scary Prehensile Erectilesaurise. Watch out!!! 

We're Doing It Yutang!

Holy carpoli, am I ever going to be sore tomorrow. The soreness is already creeping in but I'm embracing it with all my heart. This is one of those full body aches that screams, "Thanks for waking us up!" ...us as in all us muscles. I had quite the workout today just working and cleaning. Oh yeah, and doing one cartwheel just for shits and giggles.

Today my productivity was off the charts. The biggest accomplishment was clearing a shit load of useless shit out of the house for bulk pick up to get tomorrow morning. I wasn't the only one working my tail off, the whole endeavor was a family affair. We pulled our strategy together and executed the plan and I must say, it feels great...for the mind, body AND soul. Purging the nonessential feels great! With a heavy dose of Clutter-Be-Gone I can only hope my house comes down with a few more bulimic episodes.

Being a natural born pack rat it ain't easy to let go of stuff but when you finally do, you realize how nice it feels to have less junk. Lin Yutang is right. Eliminating the non-essentials is how one can really live life. Just the physical act of eliminating crap is rewarding. It's a form of exercise and the body loves that. All the hard work is worth the sore muscles and body odor as it reminds you that you did something. It's good stuff I tell you. I'm feeling mighty fine right now. I had a good workout and eliminated a LOT of non-essentials so I can begin living life to the fullest again. Yay!

I'm working on a group project with some lovely ladies and one of the final touches for this fabulous project is the sound of a toilet flushing. I did a quick google search and found several toilet flushing sound clips but the best one of all came from hark.com . Hark is my big discovery of the day. This site is a hoot! Not only do they have sound effects, they also have sound clips of famous quotes by famous people and memorable moments from TV and movies. 

Here's a few of my favorite sound clips I found this evening... 

Fun stuff, right?! I do believe Hark.com is bookmark worthy.

Who Needs Soapnuts Anyway?

Besides learning that I must be a sinner because I wasn't swept away to heaven yesterday I can't say I learned a whole heck of a lot today. I decided to move slow but steady this Sunday as I prepare for another crazy ass week that begins tomorrow. 

One small discovery I made was the sudden serge of page views for Wenis & Soapnuts For the last couple months my wenis and soapnuts have been viewed about 50 times a day bringing the all time total to 1477 views. Who knew the wenis was so popular?

So when I noticed my wenis and soapnuts blog was getting some attention I got thinking...where the hell are my soapnuts??? I requested my free sample of soapnuts months ago and I still haven't gotten them! I guess you get what you pay for but it still would have been nice to try out those mysterious sopanuts and see what the buzz is about. Oh well, at least I have two of my very own wenises. Who needs soapnuts anyway? Having two saggy wenises is much more important because without them I don't think my arms would bend and if your arms don't bend you would never be able to bring food to your mouth, a drink to your lips, wash your hair, brush your teeth, wipe your butt, hug, put deodorant on, oh my God, there's a lot of things you would never be able to do! Praise the wenis and screw the soapnuts. I'd take a couple wenises over soapnuts any day because without saggy wenises we would be skinny, dehydrated, oily haired people with rotten teeth, poopy dingleberries, and wicked BO.    

Bandage On Nail - Genius

Finally, a beautiful day filled with sunshine and warmth. Perfect day to wear sandals! Oh wait, I can't wear sandals and feel comfortable exposing the disgusting grossness of my mangled toe...the one that was broken and had the nail ripped partially off. Sure, I can just cover it up with a band-aid but that looks stupid when the rest of my toes have deep blue nail polish on them. 

If I was just putzing around the house it wouldn't be a big deal. My family is used to seeing me look disgustingly gross but this evening I had an actual social outing to go to. That's a big deal for me because this was an outing that didn't involve a school performance, teacher parent conference, a business meeting, organization meeting, art whore networking, or participating in a market research study. Tonight's event was just for fun with fun people and I wanted to wear sandals and not have stupid or gory feet. What to do...what to do?

Ding-ding-ding-ding! The light bulb went off and I came up with a solution!

 
That's my new invention - Bandage On Nail. It's like Press On Nails but it's a band-aid with polish on it. Genius! 

Oh, and for the record. My toes used to be pretty straight until the accident. I think my injured toe is permanently bent to the right. Guess that's what happens when you break a toe.

Too Pooped To Pop

What can I say? I'm just too pooped to pop, which is probably better than being too popped to poop because that just sounds down right uncomfortable. I had a full day at work then dashed home for more work and now I'm feeling pretty darn tired. 

As I sat down to write my blog tonight I let out a long sigh and caught myself saying an old phrase I would hear from time to time when I was a kid..."too pooped to pop". I got wondering where the phrase came from so I did a quick google search and found this.

That's the 1955 hit, The Popcorn Song by Cliffie Stone. Now I know where the phrase, too pooped to pop came from which goes to show you, you can never be too tired to learn something new. Now I'm going to stop trying to pop and lay down like a big warm pile of poop.

Good night - Z Z Z Z Z z z z z

Verbal Bitch Slap

Guess what? If you have old air conditioners to dispose of properly you can drop them off at a verity of places AND you get to pay them for your junk. The cheapest place I found was $15 per unit which will cost me $60 to dispose of four old crappy A/Cs. This is bothering me. It's like paying for an over priced funeral for an old dysfunctional piece of shit you don't like anymore. 

Speaking of old dysfunctional pieces of shit, I gave a verbal bitch slapping to one of those today. I can almost imagine the recipient of my written bitch slapping feeling something like this when the letter was read.

The recipient of my 'love' note would be the sibling I've mentioned before. The one who has a drinking problem and through their deceitful actions has effected the family poorly and has caused financial strains and heartbreak. That's the recipient who got a verbal bitch slapping from me today.

I reached my breaking point. Enough is enough. I absolutely despise liars, cheats and thieves and I especially despise liars, cheats and thieves when their drunk ass shenanigans effect me and the people I love. No more trying to hide the elephant in the corner and no more of allowing myself to be effected poorly by another person's irresponsible actions. 

I guess I disowned my sibling today. I know longer have two siblings, I now only have one. I pray someday I will have two again but that will only happen if the alcohol addiction is treated and sobriety becomes a way of life for my sib. 

This wasn't an easy thing to do but it had to be done. I was an enabler for too long and that doesn't help an alcoholic at all. Real love has to be tough sometimes and I found it in me to be a tough bitch slapping broad with the intent to save my own sanity and an attempt to save one alcoholic's life. Although it was a difficult move on my part I'm glad I did it. A small part of me wants to celebrate because I feel like demon has left my soul. The other part of me wants to just sit calmly and stare at a wall and find a happy place in Numbsville while I digest today's life changing event.

Every once in a while a verbal bitch slap is in order.
  

"Stop Staring At My Package"...Priceless

I suspect I could ramble on and on tonight about shit nobody would really care about or personal shit that I don't particularly care to share so it seems like a good night to brag about the freebies that arrived in the mail over the last few days. 

• Free movie admission coupon
• Pantene shampoo and conditioner
• A grilled cheese sandwich making sleeve for the toaster + a $1.00 off coupon for fancy cheese
• Coupon for one free full size product from Suave
• Coupon for one free full size package of Uncle Ben's Rice
• An awesome, 100% cotton "Stop staring at my package" t-shirt

Not a bad haul, right? I estimate the total value of my latest freebie collection to be roughly $30! The product coupons alone are valued at $6.50 then there's the free movie admission worth $9.50. The Pantene samples and toaster sleeve may have a value of one dollar at the most but the t-shirt...that's priceless. As a secret package starer I appreciate it, a LOT. And the guy with 'the' package in this house likes it too and wears it with pride.   

A Potpourri Of Events

A potpourri of events took place today. It started with a fight between me and my new bra. The damn thing was being difficult this morning but after 5 minutes of struggling with the hooks I declared myself the winner (but a few minutes ago, the bra had the last laugh when I discovered I had been wearing it inside out all day). After my under garment feud I managed to get to work a whole half hour early and the boy dropped off at school a whole 35 minutes early! And we did it in morning traffic and a downpour. 

Work was a bit quiet today but it was still an enjoyable time with my lovely coworkers. I got lots done and was even able to take a long lunch to be a market research whore. The gig? A paid one hour taste test and focus group discussion on 'clean' milk. This milk is organic milk from clean cows...cows who stand out in their fields and say no to drugs. I got to my appointment 15 minutes early, waited another 5 minutes, then was informed I wasn't needed as they gave me a check and said goodbye. Woo-hoo! That's always a treat. Market research whores LOVE when this happens. You get paid the same amount as spending an hour doing it. So I grabbed my $$ and skipped back to the van. 

On my way back to work I went past my favorite bakery and decided to turn around and make a visit. After some of the shit that's gone down I decided I deserved a treat; a croissant sandwich and a dozen gourmet buckeyes to go. The sandwich was ALL mine, the buckeyes were for me and my lovely coworkers. On a gloomy gray day filled with nonstop rain, nothing lifts your spirits more than sharing a special treat with people you really dig.

All was well today until I got home to find an email from the sibling I've tried to emotionally detach myself from. Information was shared and that information made me want to hurl my buckeyes. Soon after feeling ill I then wanted to hit something, or break something, or let out a primal scream. I finally just gave myself some time to feel my emotions even though I said I wasn't going to feel any emotions but that's almost impossible to do. I'm better now. I'm feeling a tad grounded and ready to get my left brain geared up for some logical thinking. With the help of this online article I know what I have to do...be a loving bitch who dares to point out the elephant in the room and what happens from there is out of my control. 



         

The Egg Factory Needs To Close For Good

Here I thought the egg factory had gone out of business for good but I guess I was wrong. My old parts and pieces decided to open the factory again after 14 months of non-production so needless to say, I'm an old bitch on the rag and I feel like shit. I have little to report unless you want to here about my disturbing experiences having to dash to the bathroom more than I would have liked today because I should really be wearing a standard sized, cotton filled pillow instead of the store bought feminine hygiene products I've been using. 

It's a short blog this evening. I have to get working on strapping on a pillow and passing out for the night but before I sign off, here's an oldie but goodie that has become my anthem for the day.

 

 

The Plan: A Clean Tub, Lots Of Bubbles, Wine, Boston Cream Pie And James Taylor

Calgon, take me away. Please! Just put me in a tub encased by a gigantic bubble and let me float far, far away. But not my tub. I want a clean tub. And I want lots and lots of bubbles, a bottle of wine, fried chicken livers, a man servant in a loin cloth feeding me Boston cream pie, a head massage, and live music performed by James Taylor. Is that too much to ask? Just give me my big ass bubble filled with treats and let me float away! I'll come back, I promise. I just need a fucking break, okay???

Guess what I learned today? My eldest son rear ended somebody. Once again I have to be the problem solver, the fixer, the strategic planner, the coordinator, the adviser. I know, accidents happen but can't some of this shit that's going down be spaced apart. Does all-that-is-shitty have to happen all at once? I'm getting pretty sick of it all. 

So let's see, being the designated problem solver I think I've come up with a solution...help the kid file the insurance claim this time then the boy gets his own insurance and when he gets his own insurance he can see how much more it's going to cost him and maybe then he will be more careful. And in the big picture, it will help him grow up and be more responsible. 

Tough love baby. Tough love. It's hard to do but as I think about it I know I have to start booting the boy in the ass with some reality because if I don't I fear the lad will grow up to be like my irresponsible older sibling. The greatest gift I can give 'Crash' is some tough love sprinkled with a hug and topped off with a kiss. Then after I present the boy with his gift I will announce the Complaint Department closed as I hop in my Calgon bath and float far, far away in my treat filled gigantic bubble. And just for the record, nobody's invited to join me...get your own fucking bubble.      



 

Dancing Monkeys

I had some shittiness today but thanks to my kids I had some great moments too. I finally got the teen boy to the body piercing joint I've been promising to do since Christmas. He got to use his gift certificate to get his lip pierced and the kid is one happy dude right now. His day was awesome because not only did he get his piercing but Playstation Network is up and running again!!! To be honest, I didn't even know it was down, I just thought the kid was enjoying my company for the last few days and wanted to hang with me. Oh well, it was nice while it lasted.

The teen girl had a good day too and that always thrills me. She came home from a sleep over as happy as can be and informed me that she WILL go to the water park with her classmates for their end of the school year field trip. Just a day ago she told me she didn't want to go because she thought she would look ugly in a bathing suit. I of course disagreed and tried convincing her she looks fine and should go. I'm so glad her girlfriends convinced her to join in on the fun. Yay girlfriends! 

Then, right before my slumber partying tired daughter went to bed she shared this video with me. What a great way to end my day...Bruno Mars and dancing monkeys. Big thanks to the girl!   

No Thanks, The Cesspool Is Yours

First off, let me explain why I didn't post a blog entry last night. It wasn't another day off from blogging to celebrate M-day. It wasn't because I made a trip to the ER for a twisted testicle. It was because Blogger wouldn't let me. Damn Blogger was malfunctioning and everybody with a Blogger blog was effected. I took that as sign to get off the computer and get back to my freelance work.

In the last 24 hours or so I have discovered a lot of things. Ugly, disturbing things that have spurred a lot of deep thought, and swearing, and crying, and cynical laughter. I've had to disconnect the emotion wires in my right brain and take my logical left brain in a for a tune up. That unconditional love we're supposed to have for a sibling has been temporarily interrupted and that's a good thing for me right now. Unconditional love requires the emotion wires to be connected and if I connect those wires right now I think I would either curl up in a ball and cry for days or seriously harm the asshole who put me in this place. Yep. Emotionally flat lining at the moment is a good thing for me. When I shut off my emotions I function much better, think logically, and move forward rather than drown in my alcoholic sibling's cesspool of dysfunction. It's all business now...no emotions. Shit has to get done and I'm not going to be a pawn. I'm not going to make one drunk's mess my problem. I want out of it and I want out of it now.

Ah, that felt good to let out. On the bright side of things, I think I have all the ingredients for an award winning screen play. It'll be a black comedy titled, No Thanks, The Cesspool Is Yours. 

Planting BS

Early blog night tonight. I have two peanut butter pies to make, cookies to bake and some business to catch up on. 

I planted my garden tonight! It wasn't until I pulled my plants out of the cardboard carrying tray I realized I had Brussels Sprouts to plant. I totally forgot I had gotten them on M-day. I have no idea what to expect with my BS plant but I'm super excited about the idea of having fresh Brussels Sprouts this summer...or maybe this fall. Having never grown Brussels Sprouts before I'm not sure when I can harvest my cute little green balls of savory delight. I think I have some research to do. I also have to read up on Eggplant growing too. That's another new addition this year.

Now, off to the kitchen to whip up some baked goods.    

Central Ohio's Broccoli Plant Shortage

My garden is complete...kinda sorta. The veggies and herbs aren't planted but that's the easy part. The hard part was finding my last vegetable selection but as of 4:25 this afternoon, the hard part was completed. I FINALLY got my broccoli plants! Geez-O-Pete, that was not as easy as one would think. I got all my other plants on Mother's Day but the number one veggie I really, really wanted was broccoli and my favorite nursery didn't have any. The plants they did have were frost damaged and they were supposed to get another shipment in later that day. 

I went back to my favorite nursery yesterday during my lunch break and just knew I would be getting my broccoli plants but NOOOOOO, the damn shipment still didn't arrive but they were expecting it within an hour. I went back again after work and STILL no shipment. By that point I was getting pretty disappointed. I feared it would be a repeat of last year's garden...my broccoliless garden of 2010. I could not find one stink'n plant anywhere in this city. I even drove forever, way, way out into the country to discover broccoli plants were nowhere to be found. 

Finally, today after work, I got my fucking broccoli plants! It made my heart dance to hear the man with the apron say, "The broccoli is in!" He must have been looking for me because I hadn't even entered the Vegetable section when he called over to me from the Pansie section. Or maybe he just recognized me and wanted to be the first one to share the good news, knowing it would make me want to pee my pants and squeal with joy. I was able to control my bladder but the squeal of joy was uncontrollable. 

I learned that being persistent and polite can help you find the ever so rare broccoli plant in Central Ohio. Yay! Now I have to plant my babies...3 types of tomatoes including a black tomato plant, zucchini, bell peppers, sweet red peppers, eggplant, lemon thyme, basil, parsley, dill, and BROCCOLI!!!         

I'm Ba-aack!

I'm ba-aack!...That's what I said out loud when I sat down to write tonight. I took a little vacation from blog writing in honor of Mother's Day. The one day of the year when all mothers are celebrated turned into a 3 day event for me. I did that! I declared Mother's Day 2011 to be a weekend long celebration of ME! 

Friday night was a total wash for me. I was at work all day, then at a beautiful exhibit opening; by the time I got home after being on my feet for 12 hours my mangled toe was a mess. I soaked my feet, took a pain reliever and surrendered. I decided NOT writing a blog entry wouldn't end the world. Then I thought, "Fuck it. It's Mother's Day weekend! I deserve happy feet and a deep, pillow drooling sleep." So that's what I did.


My celebration of me on Saturday consisted of an exhibit opening I was in, another exhibit opening of a friend, sushi and canned La Choy, a Vicodin, performing surgery on my own toe...(okay, that part wasn't really a planned celebration but a necessity and the results were magnificent), asking the spouse to be a MoFo...(once again, the results were magnificent), and a wonderful night's rest. As you can see, I had some mighty fine celebrating going on so there was no time for blog writing.

Then there was Sunday. Thee day. Kids came home from their overnight at dad's and announced they were all pitching in to take me out to eat. We went to a great little mom and pop joint, had a wonderful time and a wonderful meal. The bill came and guess what? They didn't have enough money. Little did they know I was prepared to pay. I struck a deal with the kids - I pay the bill and they pitch in and pay the tip. The deal didn't end there. I also told them they could pay me back with child labor and like any good Catholic mother, I pulled out the guilt to make the offer super special. I reminded them of my mangled toe and told them about the surgery I did on it the night before. 

My kids were great. They hauled ass Sunday and got my garden bed ready for planting, cleaned out the garage, mowed, pulled weeds, hauled crap into the basement, and never complained once. Okay, they complained but not to me! Just amongst themselves. We ended our evening with ice cream at another popular mom and pop joint. We waited in line with lots of clean, well groomed folks. We on the other hand looked like an Appalachian family who just climbed out of a coal mine. I'm sure the crowd also enjoyed our chit chat about the types of tattoos the kids want and how I'll do the art for them. Yes, I think we stood out a bit but I didn't care. It was MY celebration!

So yes, I'm ba-aack. And back not even feeling guilty that I skipped three blogs. I am learning to enjoy a few things in life and it feels great!       

What's The Value?

I can calculate the value of my huge ass pickle jar of change but how does one put a value on a piece of artwork? It's a struggle for most artists. We either overprice our work or more times than not we under price our work. 


Today I made the decision to not under price my work. This isn't the easiest thing to do, especially when I could have had some quick cash from a gentleman who collects art and seems to dig my stuff. I was thrilled to be contacted by the gallery, informing me there was a buyer interested in one of my pieces. My first thought was, "Hot damn! A complete stranger likes my work!". My second thought was, "Woo-hoo! Money!".

The gallery put me in contact with the potential buyer to negotiate a purchase price. I knew I wasn't going to get the full amount but I was willing to offer a 10% to 15% discount. The collector and I spoke on the phone and had a lovely conversation. He then presented his offer...a 50% price reduction. That second thought I had earlier...you know..."Woo-hoo! Money!"...that disappeared. I politely explained to the man that I was prepared to offer a 15% discount and that I needed to profit a certain amount from the piece after the commission fee was paid to the gallery. As the words left my mouth I was wondering if I was going to regret declining his offer but you know what? It felt great and I have yet to feel bad about it. This is huge for me. I realize I value my art. Better yet, I value me and all the hard work I put into my work. 

Our conversation ended with him wishing me a happy Mother's Day and me congratulating him on a new grand-baby. He proceeded to tell me he would be keeping an eye out for me and my art and plans on following my career.

Hot damn! A complete stranger likes my work! And hot damn! I like it too! That's more valuable than a huge ass pickle jar of change and a quick discount sale of art for the sake of saying I sold a piece.  
 

"Elimination Of Non-essentials" - Lin Yutang

I'm a fan of the Chopra Center on facebook and today I was lucky enough to sign in at just the right time to see the Chopra Center status update. It was a quote and that quote has stuck with me all evening. 

"Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials." ~ Lin Yutang

www.linyutang.org

I love this quote. And after researching who Lin Yutang is I love him now too. Lin Yutang is the author of The Importance of Living, a book about the noble art of leaving things undone. Yutang believes the greatest happiness comes from living life with a certain amount of nonchalance and distancing yourself from outcomes and results. He thinks we would all be a hell of a lot happier if we were more like country squires and less like Wall Street bankers. Hey! I get a gold star! I'm definitely the country squire type. 

Another thing I like about Yutang's philosophy is his thoughts about humor. He feels the right perspective in life is the result of having some humor because with humor we learn to never expect too much or too little. He feels humor is what tones down our dreams to become reality. Oh goody, I might get a silver star! Well, only if the humor Yutang refers to includes sarcasm.

I'm so glad I discovered Lin Yutang's quote today. I really needed that. After the shit hole day I had yesterday I needed some words of wisdom. "Elimination of non-essentials"...now that's exactly what I need. I have to let go of a few things like all the crap that's accumulated in my house along with all the emotional crap a few people have dumped on me. It's not my crap anymore...I just need to keep telling myself that. 

Bye-bye crap. You're not an essential part of my life! 

Finding Uranus Made Me Smile

All I can say is, it wasn't the shittiest of days but it wasn't shitless either. It was a moderately shitty day. If Homeland Security had a color coded advisory system for shitty days, today would have been code orange on the shit-o-meter. 

I've got too much shit going down around me and what pisses me off the most, very little of it is MY shit! As soon as I'm done cleaning up everybody else's piles of steaming shit I'm going to take a dump in their bucket of shit and throw it in their front lawns. Oh my. I better stop my rant before I expose how I really feel. It's not pretty so I better just calm down and try to focus on something positive.


Hmmm, something positive. Let's see, what was something positive that happened to me today? Could it be the rain? The rain that makes my neighbors' flowers grow? No, not the rain, the fucking rain only makes my weeds grow and turn my basement floor into mud.

I'll try this again. Something positive...OH! I know! I found Uranus!!! Look! It's right there.

This is our family's Uranus and it disappeared for a while. Just the other day I thought to myself, "I wonder where Uranus is"? Uranus is a three inch plastic ball that came with a kid's meal four years ago at Checker's Drive-In Restaurant. Yum-yum, what kid doesn't love gobbling up a tasty burger & fries with Uranus sitting right next to it? I wonder if they were handing out the rest of the solar system or was Uranus such a whopping bulk order deal they opted for a one planet giveaway?

I did it! I found something positive about today. I rediscovered Uranus! And now that I think about it, Uranus made me smile and allowed me to let go of some shit. Ah, I feel much better.       





 

Still Not Dancing

I'm still not dancing in the streets and it's not because I have a mangled toe. I'm just not feeling it. I just have too many questions about the assassination of Osama bin Laden. I also don't feel right celebrating the murder of another person. Yes, bin Laden was a very evil man. He had no respect for human life. But does that permit me to have no respect for human life also? I don't want to be like him so I choose not to rejoice over his death.

In between household chores today I took a few breaks to research different views on last night's event in Pakistan. As the day went on I noticed more and more reports of people asking questions. Oh, what a relief that was. I'm glad to see there are a few people who don't operate on blind faith alone and actually have critical thinking skills. 

Out of all the stories and reports I read I found this one to be interesting enough to share. Did Osama Really Die On Monday In Abbottabad?  by: Akhtar Jamal - Pakistan Observer. In this article, the writer ends with a time-line of death claims on Osama since 2002. When I read this it just made me question things more. I can't help it...blind faith just ain't my thing.

July, 2002 FBI counter-terrorism chief Dale Watson tells a law enforcement conference: “I personally think bin Laden is probably not with us anymore, but I have no evidence to support that.”

August 2002, an American radio host Alex Jones announces, citing high-level Bush administration sources, “that bin Laden died of natural causes and that his family has given the body to the CIA.” Jones added, “they’re gonna roll him out right before the election, he’s on ice right now.”

May, 2003 French military analyst announces that bin Laden was killed in an American air raid in Tora Bora shortly after the invasion of Afghanistan in 2001.

February, 2004 Iranian Radio reports that bin Laden was captured in the Afghan-Pakistan border area “a long time ago”—but the official announcement was delayed because “Bush is intending to use it for propaganda maneuvering in the presidential election.”

April, 2005 The Israeli press picks up an account from a radical Muslim London newspaper: “We now report that the al-Qaeda organization has announced the death of Osama Bin Laden.”

September 2006 French intelligence document says that Saudis believe bin Laden had died of typhoid in Pakistan.

June 2008: Citing two unnamed officials, Time magazine reports that a recent CIA study has concluded bin Laden has long-term kidney disease and “may only have months to live.”

April, 2009 President Asif Ali Zardari tells the media that his country’s intelligence services “obviously feel that (bin Laden) does not exist anymore”.

Finally on May 2, 2011 American President Barak Obama announces that the U.S. killed bin Laden in Pakistan.

While Everybody Was Dancing In The Streets I Was In A Coma

I didn't write my blog last night. After the Tylenol PM kicked in I was just too pooped to pop a blog entry out of my ass so here I am today making up for my missed assignment. Sometimes you just have to listen to your body, especially when it is screaming, "STOP!". 

My weekend was one of going, going, going and doing, doing, doing and by the time I finished watching Desperate Housewives my toe was throbbing. I popped my PM formula pain reliever and thought I could squeeze a blog entry out before it kicked in...that just didn't happen. 

The one thing I learned yesterday before falling into a coma was the same thing everybody else in the world learned. Osama bin Laden had been killed. I fell into my deep slumber shortly after the breaking news so I missed out on dancing naked in the streets and singing patriotic songs with a bunch of drunk partiers. Now that I'm fully awake I'm still not sure you'll find me dancing and singing. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to hear the madman is no more but I just have lots of questions. I can't help it, I just need more information. I want to see the proof, the documentation...I need evidence.

I've been too gullible in my life too many times so through the years I've become a bit of a skeptic. I don't want to over react until I have all the facts and in this case I question why our bin Laden witch hunt that started in 1998 has taken so long. And why did the hunt end now? I can't help it if I feel there's more to the story.

There. I caught up with my late blog post. Now I'm off to catch up with a gazillion other things in my life, including some reading on the assassination and burial at sea of that man we all love to hate.